Thanks for Asking

Good morning, Mrs O'Rourke .
This is Unpronounceable Name
From Muffled Company .
How are you this morning?

I am so pleased you asked.
Nobody else seems to care.
My kids don't give a damn.
So let me tell you how I am.

I got up this morning with a very sore arm,
From my shoulder right down to my palm.
Last night I tripped over a mat on the floor
And bashed my shoulder on the edge of the door.
You should see how it's swollen and sore
And today it's aching so much more.

My bruises are purple and black, turning yellow
From the bone at the top right down to my elbow.
And I must have twisted my wrist as I fell
As my hand is all pins and needles as well.
The middle bit is caked with blood that is dried
From where I scratched it on the side.

To cap it off, last week I fell in the yard
And landed in the garden on something hard.
My knee hadn't  been feeling too bad
Since surgeons replaced the one I had.
But now it's grown to twice its size
And the colours are a sight for sore eyes.

I think it was pregnancy that made things go wrong
Before that I'd have said I was strong.
But I developed sciatica in my right hip
And without any warning, I'd suddenly slip
And the pain would spread right up my spine.
If I fall now, that happens every time.

You can imagine that it's been hard to relax
Right knee, left shoulder, and the pain in my back
The painkillers I took nearly drove me insane
And didn't do much to ease the pain
My leg as a result just twitches and tingles
In fact I think they stirred up my shingles

Then this morning I could hardly lift the kettle.
I should have waited to let the pain settle.
But I really needed that first cup of tea
And splashed boiling water all over me.
But I can cover my boobs if I go outside
At least those scars will be easy to hide.

So, thanks again for asking. You've made my day.
Now tell me, what did you ring to say?
Are you there? Hello? Hello?
Oh well, he must have had to go.