I am a millionaire, in fact, a multi-millionaire.
There are so many lotteries where I've won a share.
There is a twenty million windfall in a bank in LA
And half a billion in Europe to be given away.
How did this happen to a thrifty saver like me?
I don't risk anything unless it's free.
And you'd think that even I should recall
If I'd gambled and bought a ticket at all.
There's money to earn if I'm feeling kind;
An African man left his fortune behind.
He'll pay me hundreds of thousands in cash
If I'm prepared to help smuggle out his stash.
An Arab sheikh with no family or friend
Wanted to buy into paradise at life's end.
He chose me at random to be his heir
So I have his oil fortune just waiting there.
You'd think I'd be rushing to grab that wealth.
I'm not in a panic. I still have my health.
I'll have plenty more years till my life is done
When I get that money, I'll have lots of fun.
The money's still there. I don't have to hurry
I keep getting emails so I don't have to worry.
It's a matter of when to collect each one
So I can guarantee a regular (and large) income.
I'll get myself organised, get up to speed
And open the joint bank accounts I need
Then I send account names and passwords and stuff
Then, all that money! There's more than enough.
Things are apparently too hard overseas
So I need to deal with the up-front fees.
But of course I'll get it back in no time
When these lotteries and bequests are finally mine.
I'll pay ten thousand here, half a mill there
It's not a lot when there's so much to share
I'm really happy to pay that small advance
With such a windfall - such a wonderful chance.
When the formalities are done and paperwork too
And I've paid what I need to get the money through
I'll gather that money from the world everywhere
Then sit back and enjoy being a millionaire.
