Old Age is so Sad

I wake in the morning with great delight
Pleased to know I've survived the night
I do a few stretches to prove I'm not dead.
Then carefully and creakily I climb out of bed

Hobble to the bathroom for a shower hot as hell
To clear the sinuses so I can breathe and smell.
During the night everything seems to freeze
So I use a hot towel on my titanium knees.

Take my teeth from the jar on the window sill
Scrub to remove the taste of the gel,
Push them into place with the tip of my tongue
Then grin into the mirror to check they are done.

Open a battery pack for my hearing aids
It's such a shame when the senses fail.
Plug up the holes in the sides of my head
So I might get a clue to what people have said.

Take my glass eye from its satin lined case
Make sure it's turned the right way on my face.
If the coloured bits are facing behind
It looks like I'm trying to read my own mind.

Eat a healthy breakfast of stewed prunes and oats
And a good serve of jam on my wholemeal toast.
A glass full of juice and a pot of strong tea
And I'm ready to face what the day holds for me.

With my coat over my shoulder and hat on my head
I go out for a newspaper to see who is dead
In my mind I do a jump and sideways heel click
As I slam the gate shut with my walking stick.