Carpet Bindies

There should be a special kind of hell
Fire, brimstone and torture as well
For all those little girls and boys
Who don't pick up their games and toys.

It is easy enough to avoid a bike
Left around by some little tyke
And cars and trucks left out on a mat
Are a nuisance but no more than that.

Skipping ropes are a booby trap
And little toys are so much crap
I'm sure you'll agree when I confess
Monopoly money makes a mess.

But Lego pieces make you aware
If your toes are tender and feet are bare
The edges are sharp and the surfaces rough
When kids are playing, they look innocent enough.

But if you're walking around in the night
Not disturbing others by using a light
And just one piece of Lego is left on the floor
That's where you step, for certain and sure.

It embeds itself in your vulnerable sole,
The smaller the piece the bigger the hole.
It won't fall off, no matter how you stand

Lego's solution - padded Lego slippers

You'll simply have to remove it by hand.

You're still half asleep and your balance is zip
If you bend down to shift it, you're likely to tip
Going base over apex won't be much fun
And on top of that, will wake everyone.

So you scrape your foot across the mat
Trying hard to flick it off like that
You rub your foot against the wall
And try to make the Lego fall.

Eventually you know you'll sit on the floor
And dig it out before it gets too sore.
And you mutter words of rainbow hues
And phrases you say that you never use.

I'd like to hear Lego's explanations
How they've survived three generations
When every parent has survived the drastic
Midnight tussle with that deadly plastic.

(Thanks to Tanya for the title - a term for Lego that I hadn't heard before.)

Oh Rats!

I went to a meeting last night with a friend
Close to the Chinese New Year
The Year of the Monkey is starting now
But only one Monkey was there.

The place was over-run with Rats
More than half the room had that sign.
There were also two Tigers, three Dogs and a Snake,
The only year with a Monkey was mine.

To most of us the Rat is not exciting
But for the Chinese, the Rat's at the top.
It symbolises flexibility, spirit and wit
Alertness, vitality and energy non-stop.

When all or any of those traits are displayed
I can no longer think of rodents as squeaking
They'd have to be the movers and shakers
In Toastmasters clubs for public speaking.

I was the single Monkey last night
Out-numbered by far but never out-smarted.
Clever and wily, not necessarily nice -
But up-beat always and never down-hearted.

I'm not sure about the zodiac signs
But I'd like to learn more about that
To see why the club had a limited range
And most of them were Rats.

Monica Monkey 16 January 2016

Foxy Mudllark Paperclip - Reflections on Celebrity Names

Is being a celebrity a reason to choose
A name for their offspring that no one would use?
Their poor little kids bear the brunt of the shame
While the ridiculous parents are totally to blame.

Would you call your girl North, if your surname was West?
Is Tu a good name if Morrow forms the rest
Mars Merkarba is a girl and Royal Reign too

And Cricket and Birdie and Daisy Boo.

If Prince is the name of your eldest son
Why use the same name for the younger one?
There are thousands of perfectly good names to use
There must be something individual to choose.

Dakota, Killarney and Texas have become almost common
So why raise an eyebrow at Egypt and Moroccan?
Moxie Crimefighter may join the police force
For Pilot Inspektor - a flight instructor, of course

Sparrow James Midnight sounds very cool
But how will Audio Science cope at school?
Do you think Zuma Nesta Rock would ever be seen
Out in public with Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen?

I wonder if Makoa-Wolf  will think it funny
To terrorise young Mirabella Bunny..
And is it likely that  Moses Amadeus
Will share his lunch with Satchel Seamus?

Some of these kids may be spared some pain
When one half of their name is relatively sane.
Bluebelle Madonna and Elsie Otter may conform
To what most of us consider to be the norm.

But perhaps each of us thinks our name is good
And probably wouldn't change it if we could.
I look at old Uncles, Aunts and Grans
And wonder how they could bear their names -

Blanche and Mildred, Maud and Flora
Myrtle and Enid, Gertrude and Norah
Henry and Harvey, Maurice and Ned
Leonard, Lawrence, Bartholomew and Fred.

When I consider the views of the generation ahead
I wonder if they muttered and shook their head
At plain Margaret and Betty, Mary and Anne
Brian and Denis, Terry and Dan.

However some parents are way over the top
And really don't know when to stop.
The nickname Luna seems just fine
But her whole name won't fit on a line.

Don't you feel sorry for Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson 

Some names are heavy loads for kids to carry

Christmas in January, February, March ...

By Boxing Day or New Years Day
Or sometimes a few weeks on
Most Christmas gifts have lost their gloss
And some are  already gone.
But some things last for months or years
And some may never leave
All those sweet indulgences
Beginning on Christmas Eve.

We've filled a glass and drunk a toast
In champagne, punch or beer
Wishing all our friends the best
For Christmas and New Year.
We've built our own traditions
And some treats we always have
Because Christmas isn't Christmas
Without ice-cream, cream and pav.

But we wonder if it's worth it
Though everything tastes good
When New Year padding is what's left
Of the delicious Christmas pud.
And all those sweets and savouries
That we really had to taste
Are the longest lasting Christmas gifts
Around our hips and waist.