Roo on the Road

A tourist sees a kangaroo and says 'how very cute'.
A driver sees the self same one and curses the brute.
We've seen headlights broken, battered panels on the car
We know we can't rely on our reinforced bull bar.

We shouldn't try to drive at dawn as wild life is out then
That's not a problem for me because I don't get up till ten.
The other danger time is dusk and even that is fine.
It's happy hour. I'm already parked and drinking wine.

But I come across a kangaroo who doesn't know the rule
He's on the road at midday and takes me for a fool
Instead of resting in the bush and watching from afar
He's playing Russian Roulette with traffic on the tar.

He looks so quick and graceful with long and powerful hops
Then in the middle of the road the stupid creature stops.
Our country roads are not so good but still I've reached the ton.
I know I'm going to hit him if the bugger doesn't run.

I will him to get moving, not because I care
But you know the damage bill if you hit him fair and square.
You swerve a bit to miss him and he seems to read your mind.
He doesn't even graze you  - but wipes out the bloke behind.

Gourmets

I love to see the campfires

And watch how people cook

With heavy pot suspended

On a tripod with a hook.

Some even use a recipe

And mix in lots of herbs

It smells like Friday dinner

In houses in the burbs.

Sure I don’t begrudge them

The challenge of their meals

But I’ll stick with quick and easy

And eat my milk and cereals.

Bully Boy

BLAARP! The air horn blasted from at least a k behind –

Nice to get the warning but there’s not much I can do.

The road ahead is single lane with trees close on either side.

The narrow verge is wet and mucky like pools of filthy glue.

I sit on the speed limit and hold tightly to the wheel

But the monster there behind me is catching up for sure.

BLAARP! He nearly scared the life from my racing heart.

BLAARP! Not a friendly toot but an intimidating roar.

I’m travelling faster than I ever like to do

Way above the limit – but he’s huge with towering load

I watch him bearing down on me, a terrifying sight

I’ m so focused on him, hardly looking at the road

Oops I missed a driveway. I’m too fast to stop

I put my blinkers on to show I’m pulling over

But there’s nowhere to escape this nightmare

A deadly version of the children's game Red Rover

At last I see a gravel pit with space enough to turn

I spin the wheel, with beating heart and nerves all shot to hell

And leave the road in a spray of mud and stones and fear

I think, now that I’ve survived, I’ll have a tale to tell

One last blast and he thunders past then sits there on the road

After all that bullying, he slows down to a crawl.

He’s watching me in the mirror and sends a quick salute

A middle-finger greeting  that’s understood by all

I edge in there behind him and slow to match his pace

Never game to pass him now he’s made this into a race

I know he’d sit behind me and blast his rotten horn

I lift my head with purpose and hope he can feel my scorn

So I try to look complacent and show I don’t give a damn

But closer, ever closer I slowly forward creep

As I sit there in the roadway trying not to play his game

I summon all my courage and give a small defiant ...BEEP